The Final Page of Claire´s Diary

December 21, 1992

This morning, like every Tuesday morning, I went out for jogging along the beach, but today it was different. While I was jogging I started wondering about all steps I have taken in my life and… I do not know, suddenly, it looked like voices, lower in the beginning, shouting after, came from the shadows and joined me in my way! Somehow I felt like trapped in a kind of web, surrounded by eyes made of my wildest dreams. It seems like madness but there, on the beach, I had been face to face with myself.

Through a dense mist I could look back on when I was a child, standing alone in the corner of a room, out of other people´s eyes, and I saw many of those shadows that were with me, involving the child I was and making me cry.

The child´s face shone a big loss and I realized: my mother has been gone since that day.

The memory of that rainy day became part of the women who was jogging at the beach.

Then, surprised I was thrown in the time I was a teenager, a very young woman jogging at the same beach, beneath the same sun. Like before, all of the shadows were there to scare me, laughing before my tears of teenager. Something had happened on that on that bright day I remembered… his name was Kurt. He was one of the shadows in my mind and his horrible taste has never left me even after his painful death.

A shadow of another man appeared when I got a little older. Liquid eyes, bloody hands where shone a golden ring twin with mine. I could not put up with that, my dead husband accusing and cursing me, a poor widow!

MURDERER! MURDERER!!

I did not want to remember anymore… And I could not stop jogging at this beach either. I looked to myself. I am also a shadow, absolved by men, condemned by my others shadows to be jogging at this infinite beach for all the time.

MURDERER!